Work was not being very fun because I can’t seem to measure up to my standards. I had been worrying so much about what I wasn’t accomplishing that I failed to realize that others weren’t accomplishing their parts that caused majority of my delay. Yet, nobody was really complaining about my delay except for myself. I had a moment of clarity that got me thinking that I was the only one on that boat, so why bother? Not that I’ve stopped caring, I just chose not to stress it.
Anyway, their delay will take at least 2 weeks to rectify which gives me plenty of time to catch up, except for the fact that I’ll be playing project manager half the time while the real guy is on holiday (in Hawai’i!!!)…which I’m not looking forward to. Who wants to be a PM? Not me. It also annoyed me that one co-worker teased that I was prolific and another said that I was 1 month ahead. I still don’t know why their comments annoyed me.
I didn’t realize that I was partly managing a small group of BAs either. It’s the kind of thing that creeps in on you without you realizing it, then the folks tell you that you’re doing it. So these changes in work direction got me delayed in my own pieces of things to do. Boring stuff, really!
It’s warm and spring and beautiful flowers are everywhere. People are out sitting and eating and sipping their mimosas at brunches. I’m so loving Portland again. I don’t love Portland during winter when it’s all rainy and cold, though today I surprised myself that I hardly got bothered by it. In fact, I haven’t been checking the weather forecasts for at least 3 weeks now.
We went to Cirque du Soleil, a puppet show based on a book (Stellaluna), the Tulip Festival (which I didn’t realize was crazy), and will go to 2 birthday parties in May. We’re planning for more things to do in summer, but things are still up in the air. It’s getting busy and summer could end up crazy. This got me thinking about house work. The house we live in easily gets dirty with a kid and dog that easily drag dirt in and I just realized last week, while sweeping, that I didn’t use to clean so much in our NZ house. Not only was it smaller, but we weren’t living around dense greenery either. So I bit the bullet and got a Neato. I love it, but knowing me I will wait it out to really fall in love with him before I tell the whole world about how crazy I am about him. Yes, Liam and I decided that he was a boy.
If there’s one thing that I can’t relax about, it’s not having a clean living space. So I’m hoping a robot will do a good chunk of floor cleaning that easily takes 2 hours of my time in the weekend. Yes, 2 hours just to make sure every nook and cranny is free of dust and other things. We will purge some more things, in fact we’ve already identified items that will disappear before summer comes. I may have a stark house, but I really can’t imagine myself living in a stuffed place. I’m not afraid of space. I think I always equate clean spaces with clear minds, and that’s why I’m very attracted to zen spaces and minimalism.
Since Tuesday, I’ve started breathing again. I hardly feel any anxiety over missed self-imposed deadline. I’m eating well and my mental space has had some clarity that was missing for a couple of months. It’ll help with putting together a presentation for board members that that PM was supposed to do. Great.